Cubby
by Leah Day
Summary: A very, very AU TB comedy fic about Eric's cubby in series 4 with an S 5 spoiler. Rated PG for some cheekiness. Note, this is my first True blood ditty.


_**Cubby**_

_**By Leah Day**_

_**Summary**_

This is a really, really, AU fic. Contains a spoiler for series 5 but this is so alternate universe it hardly matters.

Does it?

Anyway!

What if Sookie was able to confront Eric about his little … hidey-hole in her house? What if Bill was able to find someone who could get him out of there?

_**Disclaimer**_

Written in Australian and British English.

Rated PG 15 for cheeky behaviour and mild sexual references.

This is my first True blood ficcy. I wrote this on a spur of the moment thing last year when thinking about Eric's cute lil cubby and Lucy Griffiths TB character.

_**Fangtasia, Eric's office**_

She looked pissed off.

Beautiful … but pissed off.

"Sookie," Northman greeted smoothly, amused by her spirited countenance. "What brings you to my humble abode?"

"My house," she informed flatly.

"You mean _our_ house," he corrected.

"_My_ house," she replied stubbornly.

Eric sighed.

"The cubby has to go!" she barked, glaring at him wrathfully.

Eric laughed.

"You're calling it a cubby!" he sniggered at her, leaning back in his chair. "How … very … very … sweet."

"Now!" she snapped, face colouring.

"Beg."

She frowned, flummoxed.

"Beg?" she echoed.

"Beg."

"Like a dog?"

"Mmmm, interesting …."

She snorted.

"In your dreams, Evil Spawn! You know I'll never lower myself to _that_ level!"

With that, the cute little waitress spun on her heel, stomping out of the office.

'_She just called me Evil spawn,'_ Eric thought, mildly miffed. _"I think I'll have to go and kill something, Stress levels have raised to fifty five, not good,'_

_**King Bill's office**_

"The cubby has to go!"

King Bill groaned into his hand.

Normally he found Sookie devastatingly ravishing when she was so feisty and enraged but this was actually painful. She was actually managing to successfully hurt his head with her torrents of verbal abuse.

'_Damn the unlawful time of month woman curse. Even my beloved Caroline wasn't this bad,_' he thought whilst putting a hand to his aching forehead.

"So what are you going to do about it?"

Bill rose smoothly from his seat.

"Sookie," he said huskily, eyes boring deeply into her own.

The petite blonde glared at him, her nostrils flared.

"Keep it in your pants!" she told him fiercely. "What are you going to do about Eric, Bill?"

Suddenly, Bill had an interesting idea ….

_**London, an extremely posh apartment**_

"Hello, this is Nora, all powerful vampire and amazing shag goddess. What can I do for you? Oh … _Really_? Well that just wouldn't do! Yes, he is being very, very naughty! I'll book a flight and meet with the young lady PDQ!"

Setting the slim white cordless phone on her desk, the auburn haired pommy vampire sighed and fluffed her locks.

Pouting prettily. She looked at the portrait of her, Godric and Eric.

It had been created by an aspiring London artist a little over … many centuries ago; she couldn't be expected to remember the _exact_ date! She was too busy being magnificent!

Twas a shame she killed that aspiring young man afterwards for he was really quite talented.

All he had done to end up as her dinner was ask her how she had broken her nose.

Now surely that was not a capital offence?

Wasn't it?

"You were hungry, Nora," she reminded herself, fluffing her splendidly gleaming mane once again. "No regrets. And your nose is just unique, not funny. Now! Tis high time for a wee family reunion!"

_**Bon Temps, Sookie's house**_

"Oh Eric, won't you please come in?" Sookie invited sweetly, vivacious chocolate eyes dancing like a belle at her own ball.

Eric frowned at her.

This was a change. Was she under a spell? Had someone finally managed to glamour her?

No.

Surely not the indomitable Sookie.

His lips pulled into an arrogant grin.

"Why certainly," he said and strode manfully into the house.

"I've got a present for you," Sookie said, perching herself on the table, following Eric's every move with anticipation.

The vampire's handsome countenance was caught between amused fascination and wariness.

Hadn't she changed her mind a little too quickly?

This was curious indeed.

"Where is this gift?" he asked slowly, carefully.

"Your room," she replied innocently, casually swinging her legs to and fro. "On the bed."

Eric felt his body prickle. Something was off kilter, but he didn't want to give into his reservations.

The fact that little Miss Stackhouse was finally wanting to dance to his tune was exciting … he wanted to enjoy the moment whilst it lasted.

"Go on," the fairy hybrid entreated, leaning forward somewhat suggestively. "Tell me what you think. I'm _dying_ to know."

OoO

His nostrils flared. His fangs nearly tore through his mouth.

This was more then off kilter! This was an abomination in it's self! And it wasn't just on his bed; it was all over the room.

"Nora!" he growled, clenching his fists.

"I'm up here, darling. Do come up."

Fuming, Eric charged up the stairway.

"Nora, I really do owe you," he heard Sookie gush. "Bill told me Godric called you "The Eric Whisperer"

'_Damn you Godric!'_

"Oh, the pleasure's all mine, dearest. Eric needs to be taken down a peg or two every so often."

'_Swine!'_

Twas then Eric made his less then grand entrance.

"Nora," he growled again, softer this time, icy blue eyes shooting stakes at the absurdly cherub faced vampire.

"Dear Eric," Nora cooed. "Don't be such a whinger. You deserved it. Women have rights now, you know."

"Who … told … you … to … redecorate?" Northman seethed.

"Sookie."

"You had to choose hot pink!" he yelled, eyes bulging near out of his head. "You know it's not my colour."

"No, no, no, darling. Hot pink isn't _your_ colour. It's _mine_," Nora informed brightly.

Eric scowled.

"What are you talking about?" he demanded, folding his arms across his chest.

"I invited Nora to move in," Sookie replied candidly. "I think she's more me."

Nora began to whistle "Pack up your troubles in your old kit bag" and waved cheerily at her maker's other progeny.

"Ta, ta!" she sing-songed.

Eric glowered at her then stared down at the fairy hybrid.

"When you're ready for a real vampire, come and see me!" he spat then strode manfully for the open doorway. "I'll be at Fangtasia."

"Awww …. Diddums," Nora teased, rolling her eyes. "Still the biggest sulk in the world."

She turned to Sookie.

"Some things never change."

_**King Bill's office**_

"What the Hell are you doing here?" Bill demanded angrily.

"Thanks to you, she's traded me in for a younger model," was the rueful response.

"Sookie didn't want you in her house, what was I supposed to do?"

"Be on my side!" Eric snapped then walked over to Bill's mirror to see how his hair had fared during his mad dash to his King's manor. "What's that expression Pam used? Suck it up, princess!"

The king rolled his eyes.

"I do not want you and Sookie Canoodling!" he grumbled.

Eric sniffed.

"Thanks to you, we won't even get a chance to "noodle" let alone "can!"

Five minutes later

"Nora's prettier then me!" Eric wailed.

"That nose!" Bill added mournfully.

"Those breasts by Thor!"

Bill smacked him on the back of the head.

"She's your sister!" he cried, disgusted.

"Not by blood!" Eric bellowed, rubbing the back of his head. "You swine!"

King Bill snorted.

Suddenly there was a loud shriek then a wail of misery.

Bill shot up in his chair.

"What the-"

Nora burst into the room looking very, very disturbed indeed.

"No one told me that she liked country music and line dancing," she whimpered.

_**The end**_

_**Authors note**_

I wanted to write an AU comedy because I thought it would be a good way or an easier way to ease into the characters then by writing a dramatic ditty.

Thank you for reading. If you liked this, excellent. If not, that's fine with me. Also, please, please feel free to visit my Lara Pulver and Lucy Griffiths forums. You can find the links on my profile.

XXX OOO

Leah.


End file.
